The following list is adapted from my study with Stan Tatkin and from attachment research. A secure-functioning relationship allows us to be the best we are as individuals. It doesn't mean we will be consumed by the relationship, or will lose our freedom and voice....
Sometimes, a partner in a relationship will say, “I’m unable to control my anger.” On the surface this sounds reasonable enough, but if you really think about it, it’s an excuse – an excuse to separate you from the consequences of your behavior. However, in...
Almost every communication curriculum I’ve read encourages us to to use statements that begin with “I feel...” It's so often repeated that we might dismiss it as just something that therapists say to their clients — not something we actually do in real life. But...
Perhaps the most essential ingredient for a harmonious relationship is active listening. However, some of us are prone to a reflex of “fixing it”– that is, when our partner is upset, we move into fix-it mode instead of simply listening. Frequently, the best way to...
As a preface, I don’t believe humans are necessarily wired for monogamy. We have evolved to reproduce widely, and it’s natural enough to desire other sexual partners. With that said, however, if you are in a committed relationship and you have made it clear that...
This is a primer on attachment style. Attachment style is the primary relational state of mind to which we revert once the initial infatuation phase of the relationship is over. I want to discuss the basic fears and antidotes to those fears for two prominent...