When your relationship is at a crossroads
Most couples never imagine ending up here. It can feel terrifying, gut wrenching, or guilt-inducing.
But research indicates that on any given day, one in four people has thought about divorce.
Not because they don’t care or love their partner, but because their marriage (or intimate relationship) is in serious trouble.
They feel exhausted, heartbroken, shocked, and maybe even numb because they're no longer sure that their relationship can get better.
Discernment Counseling is designed for this exact moment.
It provides a structured, compassionate process to help couples gain clarity and confidence about the future of their relationship—before making a life-altering decision.
At Colorado Relationship Recovery, Lana, a highly trained couples therapist with advanced expertise, provides Discernment Counseling based on this evidence-based model.
What is Discernment Counseling?
Discernment Counseling is a short-term, evidence-based process (usually up to five sessions) for couples where:
- One partner is leaning out of the relationship (considering separation or divorce)
- The other partner is leaning in (hoping to save the relationship)
This is known as a mixed-agenda couple.
Unlike traditional couples therapy, Discernment Counseling isn’t focused on fixing the relationship immediately. It aims to help both partners determine if their relationship issues can be solved by:
- Understanding with complexity and depth what happened to the relationship
- Recognizing how each person contributed to the current dynamic
- Deciding with intention rather than panic what direction to take
The aim is not to pressure couples into staying together or breaking up. Instead, it’s about clarity, confidence, and making informed choices.
Who is Discernment Counseling for?
Discernment Counseling is a strong fit if:
- Divorce or separation has been discussed or threatened
- One partner feels done, numb, or unsure they want to keep trying
- Previous couples therapy felt ineffective or “half‑hearted”
- You feel stuck in limbo and don’t know what to do next
- You want to avoid making a decision you may later regret
It is also appropriate for:
- Long‑term, unmarried couples
- Couples with children who want to make thoughtful decisions
- Situations involving active affairs or addictions (which typically make standard couples therapy inappropriate)
What makes Discernment Counseling different?
1. It prevents half‑hearted couples therapy.
Traditional couples therapy needs both partners to be motivated and committed to change.
When one partner is unsure or emotionally detached, therapy often stalls or fails altogether.
Discernment Counseling creates a clear on-ramp:
- Either toward fully committed couples therapy
- Or toward a thoughtful, grounded separation
2. It honors autonomy and hope
Lana does not decide for you.
She respects each partner’s autonomy while also holding onto hope for what still might be possible—especially in situations that seem hopeless but are often more manageable than they look.
3. It focuses on insight, not persuasion
Success is not measured by whether a couple stays together.
Success means:
- Both partners leave with a deeper understanding
- Each person learns something meaningful about themselves
- Decisions are made with clarity—not fear, pressure, or resentment