When your relationship is at a crossroads
Most couples never imagine ending up here.
But research indicates that on any given day, one in four people has thought about divorce.
Not because they don’t care—but because they feel trapped, exhausted, or uncertain whether their relationship can improve.
Discernment Counseling is designed for this exact moment.
It provides a structured, compassionate process to help couples gain clarity and confidence about the future of their relationship—before making a life-altering decision.
At Colorado Relationship Recovery, Lana, a highly trained couples therapist with advanced expertise, provides Discernment Counseling based on this evidence-based model.
What is Discernment Counseling?
Discernment Counseling is a short-term, evidence-based process (usually up to five sessions) for couples where:
- One partner is leaning out of the relationship (considering separation or divorce)
- The other partner is leaning in (hoping to save the relationship)
This is known as a mixed-agenda couple.
Unlike traditional couples therapy, Discernment Counseling isn’t focused on fixing the relationship immediately. It aims to help both partners:
- Understand what happened to the relationship
- Recognize how each person contributed to the current dynamic
- Decide—with intention rather than panic—what direction to take
The aim is not to pressure couples into staying together or breaking up. Instead, it’s about clarity, confidence, and making informed choices.
Who is Discernment Counseling for?
Discernment Counseling is a strong fit if:
- Divorce or separation has been discussed or threatened
- One partner feels done, numb, or unsure they want to keep trying
- Previous couples therapy felt ineffective or “half‑hearted”
- You feel stuck in limbo and don’t know what to do next
- You want to avoid making a decision you may later regret
It is also appropriate for:
- Long‑term, unmarried couples
- Couples with children who want to make thoughtful decisions
- Situations involving affairs or addictions (which typically make standard couples therapy inappropriate)
What makes Discernment Counseling different?
1. It prevents half‑hearted couples therapy.
Traditional couples therapy needs both partners to be motivated and committed to change.
When one partner is unsure or emotionally detached, therapy often stalls or fails altogether.
Discernment Counseling creates a clear on-ramp:
- Either toward fully committed couples therapy
- Or toward a thoughtful, grounded separation
2. It honors autonomy and hope
Lana does not decide for you.
She respects each partner’s autonomy while also holding onto hope for what still might be possible—especially in situations that seem hopeless but are often more manageable than they look.
3. It focuses on insight, not persuasion
Success is not measured by whether a couple stays together.
Success means:
- Both partners leave with a deeper understanding
- Each person learns something meaningful about themselves
- Decisions are made with clarity—not fear, pressure, or resentment
How the process works
Individual clarity first
The process starts with individual clarity calls for each partner. These private discussions provide a safe space to speak openly and evaluate if Discernment Counseling is the right fit.
Structured sessions (up to 5 total)
- Session 1: Joint conversation followed by individual meetings
- Sessions 2–5: Primarily individual work, with shared reflections and a final joint conclusion
This structure fosters honesty, emotional safety, and deeper reflection—without increasing conflict.
The Three Possible Paths
By the end of Discernment Counseling, couples choose one of three paths:
Path 1: Status Quo (for now)
No immediate decision. Take more time to reflect without pressure.
Path 2: Separation or Divorce
A thoughtful transition with more understanding, less blame, and fewer regrets.
Path 3: Six Months of Fully Committed Couples Therapy
Divorce is temporarily off the table as both partners make a full effort to rebuild the relationship.
Research shows:
- ~53% choose Path 3
- ~31% choose Path 2
- ~16% choose Path 1
Personal Agenda for Change
One of the most powerful outcomes of Discernment Counseling is the creation of a personal agenda for change.
Instead of focusing on how your partner needs to change, each person identifies:
- How they contributed to the relationship dynamic
- Their partner’s core hurts and longings
- Specific behaviors they need to work on
This becomes a foundation for:
- Successful couples therapy
- Healthier future relationships
- Stronger co-parenting, even after divorce
Why many people wish they had discovered this earlier
Studies suggest that 25–40% of divorced individuals later regret the decision, often wishing they had:
- Better guidance
- More insight into the relationship dynamic
- Greater clarity before deciding
Discernment Counseling exists to reduce regret—whether you stay or go.
Meet Lana
Lana is a seasoned couples therapist with advanced training in Discernment Counseling.
Her approach is:
- Warm, direct, and grounded
- Deeply respectful of autonomy
- Informed by both research and lived experience
She understands how good relationships drift—and how clarity can be restored, even in moments of deep uncertainty.
Getting Started
If Discernment Counseling feels like the right next step:
- Schedule a Clarity Call with Lana Isaacson
- Each partner completes an individual call
- If it’s a good fit, sessions are scheduled
Only one partner needs to reach out to begin.
You don’t have to decide today
Divorce is rarely an emergency.
But staying stuck in uncertainty can quietly erode hope, trust, and emotional safety.
Discernment Counseling offers a way forward—with intention, integrity, and care.
If you’re standing at a crossroads, you don’t have to stand there alone.