When we are upset, our anger protects our hurt, our vulnerable feelings, and can lend us a momentary sensation of strength. This sensation can be intoxicating; when hurt, the impulse to reach for anger can be as strong as an alcoholic’s impulse to reach for...
We often derive significant meaning and a sense of belonging by visiting with our family of origin during the holidays, but it’s not always the same for our partner. However, with proper planning, you can successfully maintain healthy relationships with both. Planning with your partner...
The following list is adapted from my study with Stan Tatkin and from attachment research. A secure-functioning relationship allows us to be the best we are as individuals. It doesn't mean we will be consumed by the relationship, or will lose our freedom and voice....
Sometimes, a partner in a relationship will say, “I’m unable to control my anger.” On the surface this sounds reasonable enough, but if you really think about it, it’s an excuse – an excuse to separate you from the consequences of your behavior. However, in...
Almost every communication curriculum I’ve read encourages us to to use statements that begin with “I feel...” It's so often repeated that we might dismiss it as just something that therapists say to their clients — not something we actually do in real life. But...
Perhaps the most essential ingredient for a harmonious relationship is active listening. However, some of us are prone to a reflex of “fixing it”– that is, when our partner is upset, we move into fix-it mode instead of simply listening. Frequently, the best way to...