Do you look at friends and their relationships that seem perfect?
Do you think they have no problems, and you wish you had the same thing with your partner?
The truth is no relationship is perfect.
They can sometimes look perfect from the outside but in reality, every couple goes through problems. As Stan Tatkin mentions, “We’re all a pain in the rear.. and everyone in high-maintenance.”
And the old saying, “you don’t know what happens behind closed doors” is quite applicable here.
Why do we compare?
We compare ourselves with others to help us try to understand ourselves and our relationships.
What we are actually doing is looking for information to help us determine our relationship strengths and weaknesses.
What’s important is the meaning you make of the comparison. Does it mean that their relationship is “better” or “worse” than yours? Or do you use the information to try to improve your own relationship?
If you find yourself measuring your relationship to others, try to recognize and acknowledge the strengths in your own relationship.
What is going right?
What qualities of my partner am I especially fond of?
What do I appreciate about my partner?
Instead of comparing, think of the strengths in your relationship and what is going well. This will be a tool to improve your relationship rather than think other couples are doing better than you two.