The biggest Red Flag that means divorce is on the horizon is when one partner has withdrawn – they just communicate on a surface level as if in a roommate or co-parent situation.

This is a red flag especially if the withdrawn partner has said they want more from the relationship. Usually what they’re looking for is more intimacy – in the form of emotional, physical, or sexual.

If the withdrawn partner has requested more and has been met with a, “No,” or no change at all, they’re now faced with a dilemma.

Do I grieve what I’m not getting and appreciate what I am, or do I move on?

This is relational reckoning.

However, I encourage partners at this stage or prior to really request. Give their partner a chance to come through. I often see people skip the request part and go straight to complaint.

For example, “Can you share more of your feelings with me (emotional intimacy)?” Instead of, “You never open up to me…” (For more on how to share feelings, go to this blog: Get in Tough With Your Feelings.

Or “How I can help us have more physical intimacy?” Instead of, “You never want to hug or hold hands…”

So, before the withdrawal or complaint, give your partner a chance to come through.

If one or both partners have tried this, and it’s clear it’s not in the cards, and there’s a significant amount of withdrawal, it may be time to see a marriage counselor.

A partner’s withdrawal could be easy to miss for a partner who is not naturally emotionally intimate.

They may think everything is fine because, “At least we’re not fighting.” When in fact, their partner has withdrawn because they’re silently planning their next step in life without them.

If one or both partners’ are not communicating commitment to the relationship, that’s a Red Flag. Then it’s time to shake things up or have a serious talk about the future status of the relationship.

Remember, “Intimacy is not something you have, it’s something you do.” – Terry Real