Intro
When you hear “couples therapy,” what comes to mind?
Do you feel that before you go, you need to have lots of heated arguments or never-ending silent treatments?
Or does the relationship need to be in a place where couples therapy is a last-ditch effort before the talk of a breakup?
These are common thoughts about couples therapy, but you don’t need to be in dire straits before you go to couples therapy.
Being proactive
Many couples we see are more proactive in finding ways to prevent conflict and disconnection, so they aren’t in crisis; they are committed and not waiting until things are falling apart.
This is important because John Gottman says some couples go to therapy “six years too late,” and we recommend being proactive in your relationship.
Therapy Isn’t Just for “Fixing” a Relationship
We think of couples therapy the same way you might think of going to the gym or getting a dental check-up. It’s not just for when something’s wrong.
It’s about maintenance.
Prevention.
Tuning in before something starts squeaking, snapping, or sliding off the rails.
I love this analogy:
Having a pebble in your shoe while walking around the block may not be a big problem, but running a marathon with one in your shoe can cause serious issues.
Committed relationships are like a marathon. Therefore, we need to be proactive in removing those pebbles or minor issues that, over time, accumulate.
Because relationships, like anything else that matters, require care. If we don’t put in the effort, they entropy and eventually we will view each other less like lovers and teammates and more like enemies.
As Terry Real says, “Intimacy is not something you have, it’s something you do.”
What Do Happy Couples Actually Do in Therapy?
Glad you asked…
Happy couples use therapy as a place to fine-tune their connection, not just fix what’s broken.
Couples will gain insight into their attachment styles—how each person’s early emotional experiences influence the way they connect or withdraw in relationships.
If you want to know more about your attachment style, take the quiz in our footer called: What's Your Relationship Style? (or, click the link).
Through this lens, each partner begins to see how the past shows up in the present: how their childhoods or previous relationships subtly shape their reactions, fears, and needs.
And, how it affects their reflexes in terms of connection and autonomy.
Once they understand how those differences can create unintentional friction (as we often operate on autopilot), they’re better equipped to respond with compassion and what each partner needs rather than defensiveness.
They also learn to recognize a potential cycle of disconnection—that frustrating loop where one person pursues, the other withdraws, and both feel misunderstood.
Couples therapy helps them identify that pattern sooner and utilize communication tools to spend less time there and maintain connection longer.
Another big one?
They clarify what makes each other feel loved. Not just in theory, but in practice—what small things matter, what words or gestures resonate, and how they can intentionally care for one another.
And finally, happy couples don’t just rely on good intentions. They make clear agreements about how they’ll support each other—especially during stressful times—so connection becomes a habit, not just a hope.
Conclusion
Couples therapy isn’t just a place to unpack problems—it’s a space to grow, maintain, and strengthen what you already have. Just like we visit the doctor for check-ups or the mechanic for tune-ups, your relationship deserves that same level of care and attention.
The happiest couples aren’t the ones who never argue or face challenges — they’re the ones who stay curious, connected, and committed to doing the work.
They take time to understand themselves and each other more deeply, and they don’t wait until things are falling apart to ask for support.
So, if you’re wondering whether therapy is “worth it” even if things aren’t terrible, the answer is yes. Because staying connected takes effort, and sometimes, the most loving thing you can do for your relationship is to show up before you have to.
What We Offer at Colorado Relationship Recovery
Whether you’re dating, married, engaged, or somewhere in between, we’re here to support your connection. Our therapists draw on evidence-based methods, such as EFT and RLT, Gottman Method, and PACT with compassion at the core of everything we do.
We believe every couple deserves a safe place to grow.