Intro

We are not necessarily wired for long-term monogamy. When we first get together with someone, our brains are awash with chemicals that make us feel high and infatuated.

Nature is interested in procreation, not super into monogamy.

So, what is the purpose of marriage?

Before we get there, back to the love chemicals…

Once the love chemicals wear off, which takes about 1-2 years, the work begins.

We revert to old relationships templates—the ones we learned from our upbringing.

For example, if we spent much time alone and experienced little conflict growing up, that could show up in our marriage as withdrawal.

If conflict was expressed openly and parents were sometimes inconsistent, this could manifest in the marriage as pursuit.

Then, you may find yourself caught in a common but painful pursue-withdrawal cycle. But don’t worry, a skilled marriage counselor can help you both break free from it.

Again, what’s the purpose of marriage?

Essentially, it’s to pool resources to increase the likelihood of survival.

From an economic perspective, married couples filing jointly enjoy tax advantages in the U.S.

They also benefit from enhanced purchasing power for a home and the support of two individuals in raising children.  

As a marriage counselor, I see the main benefit of marriage as an emotional and physical refuge. 

Ideally, you have a place to be vulnerable and share what’s real for you. This can lighten the load and make you feel connected as a result.

It’s a place to be you and be accepted.

It’s a place to be seen and heard.

It's a place to give and receive love.

It’s a place to have fun.

Oh yeah, and physical touch and sex are nice as well…

Stan Tatkin, author of several relationship books, says it’s as if you two are in a foxhole together—you have each other’s back and are stronger together.

In marriage, you combine both your economic and emotional resources.

Why is marriage hard at times?

As mentioned above, when the love chemicals wear off, couples often get trapped in a negative cycle rooted in their past experiences, stemming from the patterns they learned and lived during their upbringing.

Additionally, between work, kids, personal life, and exercise, our relationship often ends up being the last thing to get our attention.

 As a result, our marriage can become challenging.

If we give our relationship more attention and effort and do not put it at the end of our priority list, it often feels better and becomes a source of confidence instead of a burden.

Conclusion

When we prioritize our relationship, nurture emotional safety, and intentionally break free from negative cycles, marriage becomes a powerful source of resilience and joy. 

Consequently, we gain greater confidence and energy to slay the dragons of everyday life.

Ultimately, the purpose of marriage is fairly straightforward: Life is more enjoyable (and less expensive) when both partners combine their financial and emotional resources to succeed together.