I come from a family where we didn't talk much about emotions. There wasn't much of, "You seem sad, Jason -- let's talk it through." In our family playbook, one move to get someone to initiate repair was by withdrawing. The basic idea behind this...
Having a healthy filter is important for partners in a relationship and for our day-to-day interactions with anyone who has a proclivity for pushing our buttons. So what is a healthy filter? It’s our ability to filter what is being said or not said to...
A common way we get into trouble in intimate relationships is through projection. We project onto our partner how we think they should be or act, usually through the lens of how we learned to be and act from our parents . We may have...
Conflict is unavoidable , and it’s counterproductive to try to avoid it. So, how do we manage conflict, i.e., fight fair? It is very simple: We need to keep the smart parts of our brains active for as long as possible. Stan Tatkin has dubbed...
In any intimate relationship, conflict is unavoidable. Conflict can even be seen as a sign of health, as it demonstrates that both people are unique individuals. I do not suggest avoiding conflict and letting resentments fester. This is much like shaking a big bottle of...
A male in his late twenties — let’s call him Jim — was recently in my office to inquire if he is an alcoholic. While I did express some thoughts on the matter, I replied that that designation was ultimately for him alone to decide....