Intro

If your relationship is on the brink of divorce or breakup, here is some advice.

If you’re reading this now, you are motivated and perhaps woken up to your partner’s complaints.

I’ve been a couple’s therapist for over ten years, and here are some things you can do to save your marriage.

1) Do what your partner is asking.

That seems simple enough: if your partner asks you not to be angry or drink less, do that.

The first step is to humble yourself and look at your side of the relationship.

Getting professional help, such as anger management or counseling, will go a long way. 

I've seen such efforts and changes save marriages.

2) Give up your need to be right.

One of my favorite relationship quotes is, “You can be right, or you can be married" by Terry Real.

You can’t be both.

I’ve seen relationships dissolve because both partners deeply desire to defend themselves and be right at all costs. 

Usually, they go about being right by trying to prove their partner wrong.

Essentially this is a non-collaborative approach that makes you two enemies. 

Partners eventually look out for "I gotcha" moments to use against each other. 

To paraphrase Real again, the relational answer to who’s right and wrong is: who cares? What can we do to fix this?

Instead of being right, be collaborative.

3) Express interest and listen to your partner.

I often hear partners complain that their partner does not express interest in them.

This could be as simple as not asking about their day or listening when they share.

We all want to be heard and feel connected.

Giving your partner awareness, attention, and interest goes a long way.

The good news is that everyone can do it, and we can all practice to improve.

4) Be accountable.

A lack of accountability and acknowledgment of how your actions, or lack thereof, affect your partner is a surefire way to get divorced.

If you are stuck in defense and blame when you receive feedback, your partner will grow weary of that and eventually of you.

This means looking at your side of the relationship.

Not all relationship problems are 50-50, but you must look at your percentage in order to save it.

Being accountable means acknowledging when you hurt your partner and telling them so. 

It also means sharing how you are going to avoid that behavior in the future.

For example,

“I’m sorry I yelled at you. I know that hurts deeply and has in the past. I’m going to anger management class to work on this.”

That’s it.

Don’t share why you got angry, your partner is not too interested in that if they are hurt.

You can save your marriage if you are accountable and share that with your partner.

Conclusion

Saving a relationship on the brink of divorce or breakup requires effort, humility, and a willingness to change.

By doing what your partner asks, letting go of the need to be right, showing genuine interest, and being accountable for your actions, you can repair the damage and rebuild the connection with your partner if they are open to that.

Some of this may take time, so be patient. Your partner may not trust the changes at first.  

By implementing one or all these strategies, you show your commitment to your partner that you are willing to change.

If your relationship is on the brink, we don’t want more of the same. Your relationship will need you to do something different.

Learn more about us and how we can help you save your marriage.